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Chargers Post Game Press-Conference Following Loss to Chiefs


LAC Press Secretary Sean Spicey steps to the microphone. He starts to mutter something about a “good effort”. Coach Clemson storms into the media room and forcibly removes Spicey from his postion. Spicey says something. Coach Clemson coldcocks him and fires him while he's out on the ground.

Coach Clemson: “You all saw what happened out there. That team wasn't better than us. We had a great gameplan and we executed it to perfection for three and a half quarters. Melvin (Gordon) gashed them all night. Phillip (Rivers) made good choices with the ball except for one throw. The defense stifled them. Really got after them, and I'm proud of those guys for the bounce back effort of game one. They are who we thought they were, and we let them off the hook. I'll take questions now if any of you are bold enough to ask.”

Coach Clemson looks around the room. He spots a familiar face from the COFL Sun-Times and points him out. Coach Clemson: “Prez, let's go. I'm sure you've got some smart ass comment for me tonight. What is it?”

Sun-Times reporter Prez: “Coach, what happened in the kicking game tonight? Two missed extra points really seemed to hurt the team.” Coach Clemson: “Yeah, no shit. We hit both of those and they don't have the chance to take the lead with the field goal. They have to get a touchdown to win, and they were struggling all night. You saw what we did to them after the fumble. Three plays, all backwards. It'll be an unappreciated stand by the defense, especially since we had a shot to recover a fumble of our own. Bad break. They got lucky. We'll evaluate the kicking situation in practice, and all options are on the table. That man better pray tonight that he still has a job in the morning. Next question.” A new face appears in the media room. It's rival coach JT, who raises a hand. Coach JT: “Hey coach, shooters poop.” Coach Clemson picks up a water bottle and chucks it at Coach JT, hitting him square in the forehead. This is the second assault by Coach Clemson tonight. Coach Clemson: “I'm done here. You all saw the game. You watched it. We were the better team. No two ways about it. Clearly the better team. I give zero credit whatsoever to Coach Jake. This was all on us. All of it. Point, blank, period. You can print that, tweet that. Whatever.” Coach Clemson flips over the table on the stage and storms out, nearly gaining a third assault charge in the process.

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